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mandabean254

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[16 Apr 2008|06:19pm]
oh...

and p.s

I REALLY DONT WANT A DRAIN!

just a rant [16 Apr 2008|06:15pm]
becuase no one reads my LJ and I cant post this on myspace.

what am i doing? lol
im serisouly going to have surgery, im a huge huge wimp like yeah I can hold my own in a mosh pit and whatever but they're going to cut me open, cut up my insides lol and staple me shut.
im totaly fine with the after im so ready for the after im just like...
freaking out.
and im so far into this theres no turning back.

rationaly, I know this will all be okay.
I (hopefully most likley) am not going to die lol (im probably not going to I do know this I really do get that)

I could really use a xanax lol
is that on my list of medications not to take?? =/

just trying to remember to breathe and not let people in RL know that im a disaster inside.
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[15 Oct 2007|08:15am]
weird dreams / nightmares


so satruday night I was sleeping i had this weird nightmare that I was driving across the benecia bridge, except it wasnt accutally the benecia bridge becuase that bright goes like from cliff side to cliff side, it was in benecia except it was built like the bay bridge which starts low on land and then suspends up and thru treasure island then down in SF.
and i dont remember what happeend but if you stayed on the bridge you were going to die...
so me and everyone in the cars near me
(we had just started driving on the bridge so we were slightly on the incline) we jump out into the water and we kept trying to save people but couldnt.

random.

so then last night,
my dream starts out incredibly
in my draem im hanging out on a bed with jarrod from THT and Dan (bartender at ak) its really odd that dan was in my draem but whatever lol

so it was like almost an entire night of me talking to jarrod in my draem (probably becuase i was listening to the honorary title while I was sleeping) and then suddenly jarrod goes away and its just me nad dan, and then i dont remember what happened to dan but I had to get to work so I went to go to work and someone like a ghost person came up to me nad said watch out for the blonde woman shes going to kill us all.

uh. right.

so im going to the subway in my draem, except it was like...a subway stop in a baseball stadium and I see this blonde woman and shes waiting for me to go down the steps and im like oh no you first and she just stands there looking atm e waiting and then she like moves this pipe and this toxic gas starts filling up down the stairs so I start running

and then I wkoe up.

totaly and completly random
but this morning I was terrafied to get on the subway I was like thinking about calling in I thought it was a preminision that if i got on the subway I was going to die but, im not dead now im just tired from waking up slightly every 20 minutes during my freaking nightmare lol

I have a feeling I have plans with someone tongiht but I cant remember with who or doing what.
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[14 Oct 2007|11:14am]
HAH iv officaly went on week without posting a bulletin on myspace!


woo woo lol
2 comments|post comment

[10 Oct 2007|07:57am]
so heres my story...

I slept 13 hours last night

I wore my hair curley today


the weather is BEAUTIFUL its this perfect gloomy darkness that i love I could do wtih a little less rain but overall im obsessed with this weather

I forgot to put on bronzer today, I look white as shit lol

I just ordered a bagel....

we may have found the perfecttttt holiday venue for our office holiday party it should be sweet were checking it out today

no ones on AIM

and im going thru myspace bulletin withdrawl

OH and the misfits are playing a halloween show in the city, what could be more perfect?
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[09 Oct 2007|10:41pm]
I wish....

my apartment had a rooftop.

I would sleep up there


I have this thing with sleeping on the ground or outside, i like being under the stars I like sleeping in open spaces it makes me feel calm.

when I lived in california I used to take a blanket and sleep out on the deck in my backyard

or I used to go to parks at night and just lay in the grass and watch the sky.

I need to find something here that brings me peace.
3 comments|post comment

[08 Oct 2007|09:14am]
ugh I want my freaking new hoodie to come!
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[08 Oct 2007|09:09am]
so today

is my one year at this company

totaly random. doesnt seem like iv been here a year...this is a year since i started temping here not since i came on as a full time hire but still,

its almost like a year wasted honestly. I mean its good money, nice people all that.

at least hopefulyl i'll get my surgey out of this job which will make it all worth it!
1 comment|post comment

[08 Oct 2007|08:27am]
someone needs to talk me out of giong to atlanta thursday

I dont need to freaking go to atlanta...


I cant afford to go to atlanta, I dont own a bed lol I dont need to be flying to atlanta...

omg i so want to go to atlanta this sucks lol.

in other news...

so far this morning is going well.

thats all :)
3 comments|post comment

[07 Oct 2007|07:15pm]
so I was sleeping nd I woke up having a weird nightmare that taking back sunday was breaking up and becuase of that someone was going to kill me


and I was like running thru the woods trying hide from the person that was trying to kill me and the only way I could live was if i found fred from tbs and got him to com ewith me to see adam and play live with him again


........

except, fred leaving wasnt a nightmare its real life lol
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[30 Sep 2007|10:52am]
okay

if i have to hear about her making out with him
or making out with his friends and then him stll making out with her


or anythig having to do with him making out with her again

one
more
time


im going to slit my wrists lol.
2 comments|post comment

[19 Sep 2007|08:44pm]
a picture is worth 1,000 words....

which is why im so GLAD I have this picture becuase I have no words for this.


sometimes I wonder how things can be so fucking good?

1 comment|post comment

[21 Aug 2007|12:41am]
goodness....


life altering decisions are in the making.

im excited, but terrafied lol.

we'll see how it goes....I dont want to jinx myself.
2 comments|post comment

[14 Aug 2007|10:21am]
the next few days are going to rock,
tonght shopping and crashing with my favorate Diana!

tomrrow taking back sunday!! you heard me
TAKING
BACK
SUNDAY

the only thing that really matters in life.

so yes that rocks
then thursday, thoI have to work, I will be the only person in the office thursday and friday and so that means, I can go out all night do whatever it doesnt matter, come in in my pajamas, sleep on the couch and fwd the phones to the back, I can chill and hang out do whatever so im excited about that.

and then yeah, were getting closer to the phili show which im excited about, and tweeter center and pnc.

I think I may get my plane tickets to florida this week, and my armor for sleep tickets for orlando and st petersburg....amaznig amazing amazing. and after atlking to anthony from armor about going im even more excited.

so we'll see what happens.

peace out!
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[29 Jul 2007|04:42am]
im a posting fool latley! I feel like iv done so many damn posts recently haha

this was my mkaeup tonighttt!
I acctaulyl really REALLY loved this look its like one of my new favs


be advised, I changed my hair no less than 10 times before I picked something that I could at least deal wtih haha. I think most of hte pics Im posting tho were after I figured out what I was doing wtih my hair lol

Read more...Collapse )
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[27 Jul 2007|11:00am]
totaly forgot...

grossest thing EVER.

I ws riding the subway yesterday, the R train. this lady is like, standing leaning on one of the polls like, face first leaning on the poll
and she wasnt like, ghetto
she lokoed liek she had came from work
nice shoes, cute bag, claen you know? shes not some bum.

she has her MOUTH pressed up aginst the poll on the subway, like, it ws disgusting. I was like ew, you have no idea how disgusting that poll is I mean even if someone had JUST whiped it down wtih bleach I still wuoldnt put my MOUTH on a poll in the subway. and she stayed like that for liek 15 minutes I think I was looking at her like i was going to throw up becuase the thought of it was just so gross...

ew. lmao
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[27 Jul 2007|07:52am]
for thsoe who didnt know,
wednesday I got to meet jimi johnson...
iv met him before. but this time i tried SO HARD not to spaz out or go blank and to accutally talk to him...I hope I didnt come off like an ass. but when I got home he'd posted a bulletin on his bands myspace giving me a shout out and he even put a smily face in it so hopefulyl that means I didnt embarras myself...

it was kinda pretty much incredibly amazing.
I just wish it was his band I had been seeing, i'd pretty much die lol

I got two hours of sleep wednesday night then worked a duoble shift yesterday, Im workinga double today but at least I got some sort of sleep last night. which is good otherwise i may die.

I def didnt go out last night I kinda wanted to, thursdays at ak are one of my favorates becuase its such a chill day but iv already been twice this week and I erally just needed sleep. im giong tonight tho.

I pretty much spent all day yesterday staring at the picture I got with jimi thinknig how unreal it was. sandy said i wasnt a spaz at all but I def freaked out after we walked outside, I pretty much didnt eve watch MCS play I was just like omg jimi johnson is here haha.

so lets see what else, im finally getting my mac pro card I filled out my application i Just need to dig thru my boxes and get my diploma from MUD to fax over to them
I really want to get my hair cut next week. we'll see if I can get an ap.

yeah.....thats about it. :) life = good.
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[26 Jul 2007|03:00am]
BEST NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!

THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE IT AND IM DRUNK BUT OH MY GOD WHEN YOU THINK THINGS CANT GET BETTER HIS BANDS POSTS A BULLETIN ABOUT YOU?????

I SERIOSULY COULD CRY!

SINCE I HAVE NO WORDS AND A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND...

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transformers...not the movie. [18 Jul 2007|07:40pm]
so.... for those who dont watch the news there was an explosion in nyc today.

one block from where I work.
while I was at work.

it turned out to be nothing, but it was probably the most scared iv ever been in my life.

I was sitting in the office talking on aim
and al of a sudden theres a slight shake and the lights flicker
(my part of the office doesnt have windows but the rest of the office is all windows)
about two minutes later everyone in the office next to mine runs out screaming GET THE FUCK OUT GET OUT OF THE BUILDING NOW.
we're on the 30th floor...so thats not that easy.

I get up and run, dont grab my purse dont get anything just run for the stairs

seconds later everyone in my office is running for the stairs.

we start running down the 30 flights of stairs everyone just said there was smoke everywhere no one knew what was going on, I think we all assumed it was a terrorist. I mean I would say there wasnt any other thought in my mind.
and all I kept thinking was, please dont let this building fall in on me, I dont want to die.

we get outside adn theres smoke everywhere and people are running and its chaos, we go to our meeting place the office has about 10 blocks away and me nad erica check people off the list and start calling people to make sure that they're alright.

so it turns out it was a transformer that blew up....but seriously, iv never been that scared in my entire life.
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does anyone know what happened last night? [18 Jul 2007|12:50pm]
okay so yesterday, was a very awsome very long day lol

first!

went to see paramore wtih christina and jenna and elisa nad chantel which was rad, they filmed it for MTV live so check out for it airing in october, it was a good show I didnt go in the front becuase I knew we were going out after and I didnt want to look like hell lol so we went up to like this "balcony" which in reality was a little platform right next to the stage, it was the best paramore show iv seen fromthem yet so that was really cool.

after, we decide were all going to AK but then kiki and elisa decided they wernt going to go so they didnt. and I raelized that im not going to be drinking this weekend so if im gonna spend one night a week drinking and tahts it, it was gonna be tonight. well last night....
and drink we did.
so heres how I remember the night I may change this later after I talk to people I was with because theres a lot of it I dont remember

so we go and tis liek empty it ended up picking up a bit later, we were having drinks rum and diet coke which was eh whatever. then we started doing shots and thats where things go wrong lmao. I remember....talking to anthony from armor for sleep for I have no idea how long it could have been 3 minutes it could have been 10 oh god, we were talking at the bar becuase we were ordering more shots and dan makes our shots and then chantel is standing there liek poking me poking me poking me while im talking to him and im like OMG what so I turn around and she just wants to do the shots so Im like omg fine so we take the shots and then I continue talking to anthony and I remember jenna saying that he was like standing there waiting to finish our conversation, hes the only one from armor iv never really takled to before and hes SO NICE! I mean I figured he'd be nice, but hes so nice. they're all so nice. so that was amazing, and I was sorta sad becuase the guy I like wasnt there and I was down and whatever and then he ended up showing up, and by this point we'd been ordering shots from dan just being liek make us 4 shots of whatever lol anything you want
and so we bought a shot for jesse and he did shots wtih us and that was amazing, and then like 30 minutes later he buoght us shots whcih was so nice of him like he totaly didnt have to dothat. and at some point he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek which I WISH I REMEMBER more vividly lmfao. I have no idea why that happened but it did, and it was sorta amazing. and then we talked to rob hitt for like 20 minutes and he checked is calander and he said he'd DJ our birthday party (we'll see we'll see lol I think he was as drunk as us) and then we went outside and the dude from head automatica was there and we talked to him for a REALLY REALLY long time about everyhting from djing and music (we toldhim the music he played was rad, but really it sucked so badly lmfao) and his shoes, and his apartment whch hes subletting and he told me to message him about subletting his apartment while hes gone LOL and about anna which PLEASE DEAR GOD DONT LET ME HAVE MENTIONED ADAM LAZZARA and we talked about their tour wtih tbs and how i was at a lot of the shows and just abuot like everything it was so completly random dude. and we made new friends wtih this girl with really nice hair and earrings who says she hangs out there often on teusday, OH ALLISON her name was allison yup I remember that and then uhm the end of the night I cant comment on becuase I dont remember lol I dont remember leaving, dont remember walking to the train dont remember geting on the train or transfering trains if chantel wasnt there I would have been completly screwed. I guess the fact that i havent drank in weeks, have only ate salad and didnt drink water completly screwed me lol

and uh that was my night lmao. I think?
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